The Secret Life of Doc Messiah

By Jillian Zaleski

Everyone knows Doc when she’s wandering school halls, snatching student’s phones, but no one knows what she does outside of Hamden High. Luckily, we were able to dig up the secret life of Doc Messiah.

Don’t you ever wonder how Doc commands such a powerful voice? Or why she is so strict on the cellphone policy? It might seem like it comes from years of experience and respect for the school rules, but there is more to it than that. Doc Messiah is not just one of Hamden High’s administrators, she is also a serious FBI agent working undercover to prevent possible global catastrophe. Doc’s policy on cellphone use is not just to prevent distractions in class, it is to make sure that our phone’s aren’t transferring a dangerous virus that could give its creators people’s identities. Doc’s rule isn’t to annoy us, its to protect us from identity theft on Twitter, Facebook, Vine, Snapchat, and Tumblr, which might seem really stupid but in reality is super dangerous. It’s not easy for her to take our phone’s but Doc is genuinely trying to protect us, so the next time she takes your phone away don’t whine about it, but thank her.
Not only is Doc Messiah an undercover FBI agent, she’s a woman of many talents. Not many people know this but Doc used to be a world famous juggler back before she was a secret agent. Doc used to go under the name of Leann M. Douglass; capable of juggling bowling pins, juggling balls, knives, shards of glass, chainsaws, cellphones (without cracking the screens), goldfish, and megaphones. Doc is also fluent in 146 languages including Sumerian, Latin, and Sanskrit. She has also written a few novels under several different pen names such as Charlotte Hughes and J.C. Morgan, varying from drama to mystery to romance although none of them are in English.
There’s much more than meets the eye to Doc Messiah, and the next time she swipes your phone you shouldn’t complain. you ought to appreciate the hard work she goes through to protect us, just because she’s a secret agent doesn’t mean she doesn’t also have the responsibilities of a school administrator.