Attention all future politicians, Republicans, voters, and aspiring entrepreneurs. This
year, the Mr. Hamden competition will be gifted with the presence of Republican Presidential Nominee Donald Trump as guest judge.
Trump, wishing to lower the education platform Bernie Sanders is riding on, emailed Doc wishing to participate in any school events. At first Doc refused, but Trump’s team of lawyers made it impossible for the school to say no. Given a list of activities he could participate in and show his support, Trump showed single minded interest on judging the Mr. Hamden competition with Doc, Ms. Young, and Mr. Vece.
“Sanders isn’t the only one to give a [care for] the school systems in our country. Once I build my wall, I plan to make American education great again, just like the rest of America,” proclaimed Trump during a oneonone interview over Easter break with NBC reporter Sheinelle Jones. Trump believes, “Making an appearance in a small, out of the way town no one knows… exists is just exactly what he needs to do to show Americans that he [cares].”
However, due to his status as a presidential nominee, security will be heightened to ensure that Trump enjoys his evening safely. Personal bodyguards will be sitting in the surrounding rows, hovering over the judges’ table. Other security measures will be taken, such as enlisting members of the National Guard to patrol the perimeter of Hamden High. Police have been asked to station themselves thoroughly throughout the Plaza to ensure that nothing dangerous gets even close to the High School. Everyone is asked, when they enter, to let any bags be searched and checked for any concealed weaponry.
Rumors have started flying that Ms. Young, one of the most popular AP U.S. History teachers, will engage Trump in the most confidence shattering debate he will ever experience in his political career. It’s no secret that Ms. Young loathes late 40th President Ronald Reagan, and is not afraid to share her political opinion with anyone. Students wonder whether there will be an impromptu debate during intermission between the two judges. If so, several upper classmen are confident that Ms. Young will wipe the floor with our presidential guest and will be prepared to videotape it to post on SnapChat, Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube.
This will be a Mr. Hamden you don’t want to miss. Tickets can be purchased by Mr. Hamden Contestants, Mrs. Alexander in B204, Ms. Livingstone in B203, and by The Dial Staff.
Also, we regret to inform you that this article, save for the short two sentences above, is a
joke. APRIL FOOLS.