Seniors Will Graduate In The Auditorium!

 This past summer, Hamden High School’s athletic fields received a new facelift. The track, turf, lighting, drainage, and scoreboard have been revamped and improved, creating a nicer environment for HHS athletes and a renewed passion in school spirit.

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        Unfortunately, there were some “issues” discovered by administrators and staff concerning the recently finished track and football field.

        “I don’t like the color,” Doctor Messiah said when interviewed about the surfacing concerns. “I thought I’d like it – it just seems, well, boring.”

        When asked to elaborate, the Hamden High School principal declined to answer any further questions.

        “I’ve noticed that electric blue running tracks have been trending on Twitter recently,” Athletic Director Joseph Bruno gravely commented last Friday. “And I want that “H” in the middle to be a little bit bigger.”

        These issues have manifested into another renovation plan that is scheduled to last from May of this year to April 2021, making the athletic fields regrettably unavailable for current HHS students.

        “I realize how big of a disappointment this will be to out star athletes and enthusiastic P.E. participants,” said Dr. Messiah after persistent questioning. “But this color is a bigger disappointment.”

The HHS Dial attempted to investigate this case further, but with no avail.

Hamden Mayor Curt Balzano Leng, however, seemed eager to comment, “The Hamden High School fields are a great gathering place for education, sporting and community events. These fields are used year-round by students, young athletes and community members alike. These renovations result in better, safer conditions for all.”

        With all of these ongoing construction projects, however, the graduation for the Class of 2016 will have to be moved to the less attractive Auditorium. Furthermore, our AP Stats students have calculated that seniors will be allowed one and a half guests at their Graduation ceremony.

        Objections will surely follow, but in the meantime, third graders can look forward to their freshman year with a new electric blue track.

Update: This article was written on April Fools Day.

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