By Aakshi Agarwal

On Monday morning, Tom Vece swaggered into Doc’s office and slammed his resignation on her desk. “I’m out!” He exclaimed.

“Uh, what?”

This tragic year, Hamden High loses the greatest teacher this school has ever seen. For months (maybe even years), his students have heard him speak of the hundreds he spends on Powerball tickets. Everyone and anyone has laughed at the economics teacher’s wasteful ways and the statistical improbability of him winning. But late Sunday night, Tom Vece’s dreams came true.

Vece’s usual Sunday night program of hockey, MMA fighting, and stuffing his mouth with popcorn was interrupted by the unintelligible screams of his wife. “Tom, you won! You did something!” Vece bolted from his man cave and up the stairs to where the television orator was describing Vece’s exact set of numbers.

And here we were, Monday morning, Mr. Vece dances through the halls of Hamden High. He prances into first period, where he boldly tells his students, “I’m not coming back tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that.” They all laugh, because it’s just Mr. Vece banter. But, Mr. Capone, Vece’s faithful counterpart, knows the truth. He solemnly nods; Mr. Vece truly has struck the jackpot.

In the next period, Mr. Vece is lounging with his feet on the desk. Did he mention he has shiny new shoes and knee socks? He’s listing off all of the things he will buy. “Yeah, okay Mr. Vece,” a student tells him.

By 5th period American Studies, Mr. Vece is frazzled. How could no one believe that he had won big? He tells the class he has the ticket at home, right where it should be. “Then prove it,” his favorite student demands of him.  

“Why would I give you my winning ticket?” Mr. Vece retorted and sulked to his desk. There was no hope for Mr. Vece, he was the man who cried lottery ticket winner. The next day, Mr. Vece didn’t come back. That night, his students saw him on the news holding a big fat check for more money than he had ever seen, even in his virtual stockholder game.

“How does it feel to win the lottery?” The journalist asked him.

He looked straight into the camera, as if locking eyes with all of Hamden High and said “Cha Ching.”

The departure of Tom Vece from Hamden High School not only means the departure of the best teacher, but the departure of a true genius. Mr. Vece will be missed by Doc for his shenanigans. His fellow teachers will miss him for his various antics. Mostly, his students will miss him for his strange analogies and humor.

Disclaimer: Tom Vece fully paid me to write this article with his Powerball winnings.

April fools: We couldn’t actually get rid of him that easily.